The 10 Commandments, According to Donald Trump

  1. You shall worship no-one but me because I am wonderful . . . incredible . . . believe me, I am amazing.
  2. All idols must show just how amazingly large my testicles are. Amazingly large.
  3. You shall mention my name as often as possible.
  4. Forget the Sabbath. Only lazy people need rest.
  5. Honor your father for the small loan that allowed you to start your business. Your mother was a real dog.
  6. You shall not murder, unless you are murdering Muslims or ugly women.
  7. You shall not commit adultery with pigs, slobs, or disgusting women, especially when they are bleeding from their whatevers.
  8. You shall only steal from honest, hardworking carpenters and laborers.
  9. You shall not miss an opportunity to bear false witness against your neighbor, especially if your neighbor is Mexican. Or a Syrian refugee.
  10. You shall covet everything  because there is a gaping void in your chest where your humanity once was.

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