What Next, a Ban on Algebra?

It seems American Arabophobia has hit an all-time high—or low, depending on how you look at it—as cooking show hostess Rachael Ray unwittingly unleashed a shitstorm for daring to appear on TV in a chequered black-and-white scarf. Right-wingers went berserck, claiming the scarf, also know by its Arabic name, keffiyeh, was reminiscent of those worn by terrorists. Some even went so far as to call Rachael Ray a terrorist. And all this for just trying to advertise some Dunkin’ Donuts coffee!!??

The Superficial has more on the story, but here’s an excerpt:

The Canton-based company has abruptly canceled an ad in which the domestic diva wears a scarf that looks like a keffiyeh, a traditional headdress worn by Arab men. Some observers, including ultra-conservative Fox News commentator Michelle Malkin, were so incensed by the ad that there was even talk of a Dunkin’ Donuts boycott.
‘‘The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad,’’ Malkin yowls in her syndicated column.

I say, why stop with the keffiyeh? We’ve borrowed lots of other things from the Arabs, and it’s our duty as Americans to immediately associate them all with terrorism and terrorists. Let’s start with the concept of zero. I never liked zero anyway. What could be more un-American than the concept of nothing? As Americans, we can and must only value something. So zero is a totally useless—not to mention terrorist—concept. While we’re at it, let’s also get rid of algebra. We got Algebra, like the keffiyeh, from the Arabs. It’s the Latinized version of the Arabic word al-jabr. Who needs Algebra anyway? I mean, who gives a f*ck whether x + y = z or what ac + bc equals. Oh, and let’s not forget English words like admiral, adobe, albacore, caliber, chess, checkmate, crimson, jar, safari, and syrup, all of which have Arabic origins. If it were up to me, I’d toss them all!!! The English language already has too many words in it. Getting rid of the terrorists’ words can only make our language safer and more pure.

I mean, seriously, if a scarf is so sinister that it warrants an ad being pulled off the air, what hope is there for us as a society? Our very language has been infiltrated by Arabic!!! We’re doomed! Doomed I say!!!!


5 thoughts on “What Next, a Ban on Algebra?

  1. Then I think I’d like to see Mrs. Ray wearing nothing but that terrorist scarf and a jelly donut on her belly… YUMMO!


  2. Every time I come across this headline I can’t help but think of Nelson when he heard about the dentist… “a doctor for your teeth? What next, a lawyer for your hair?”


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