Duane “Dog the Bounty Hunter” Chapman just got outed to the National Enquirer for being a racist jackhole. A&E, the network that carries his reality show has pulled his show off the air indefinitely. And how did Dog get outed? Well, he was letting his son, Tucker, know that he didn’t like Tucker bringing his Black girlfriend over to their house. What Dog didn’t know is that Tucker, obviously sick and tired of his dad’s racism, was taping the conversation. It went something like this:
Dog: Look son, I don’t like you bringing your Black girlfriend over. It’s not that I’m racist or anything. I really don’t have anything against your girlfriend. I just don’t trust her. But that has nothing to with the fact that she’s Black because, as I’ve already told you, I’m not a racist. It’s just that . . . well . . . you know . . . we use the word “nigger” a lot around here and I’m worried that your “nigger” girlfriend might get drunk one day and decide to tell the National Enquirer that I use the word “nigger” a lot, which would give people the false impression that I’m a racist which, of course, I’m not. And if people start thinking I’m a racist, that would spell the end of my career, not to mention tarnish the sophisticated and polished image I’ve worked so hard to cultivate over the past 30 years.
The Superficial has an excerpt of the actual conversation. I only gave you a gist of it here. I don’t do Dog justice, though, so you should read the excerpt yourselves to get an authentic Dog experience.
But you know, I kinda feel where Dog is coming from. I know he’s not a racist. It’s just so much harder for Dog to stop using the word “nigger” than it is to ban his son’s girlfriend from their house. And it’s definitely a lot harder than convincing his son to break up with his girlfriend.
Hey Dog, I bet you’re pretty disappointed that your son Tucker turned out so rotten, eh? Here he is mixing with colored folks and doing God knows what with that Black girl when the lights go out. Oooh! That must have really been burning you up! So you did what any reasonable, rational, non-racist parent would do in your situation. You tried to give him some fatherly advice about the perils of dating Black girls. And how does the ungrateful wretch repay you? He tapes a private and personal conversation between a concerned, non-racist father and his son, and gives it to the National Enquirer! Why on earth would he not see your point and break up with his girlfriend immediately? What is the world coming to?
But cheer up, Dog. Now that A&E’s indefinitely suspended your show, I’m sure you’ve got a lot more time on your hands. And I’ve got just the thing for you. I’ve been toying with an idea for a great new reality show. It’s called “Dog the Imbecile Racist Who Doesn’t Know When to Keep His F*cking Mouth Shut.” You’d be perfect for the starring role. Better yet, somebody ought to give Tucker a show of his own in which he can talk about how much he hates his father’s f*cking guts for being such a racist pr*ck. Come to think of it, that’ll be much more entertaining than watching anything Dog the Racist is in.
Man! I bet Thanksgiving dinner over at Casa de Chapman is going to be very interesting this year.